Off the Wagon?

I’ve been really slack with my blogging lately so big apologies to the very few followers I have! Just a quickie today:

After about four and a half months of complete sobriety, I had three instances with alcohol during December:

1 – a glass of bucks fizz to celebrate my daughter’s birthday
2 – 3 beers and 2 JD’s on Boxing Day
3 – 4 beers on New Year’s Eve

Now I’ve had some time to reflect on these occasions, I have realised a few things. Firstly, I CONSCIOUSLY drank and I take 100% responsibility for it. I’m a big boy and I don’t need to blame any peer pressure or Xmas killjoying. Two, I didn’t in any way feel slightly drunk on any occasion, which is probably more troubling than anything. Three, (say it quietly) but I enjoyed it – it was nice joining in and not worrying or beating myself up for a few minutes. Four, I drank low alcohol beer on purpose (4%). It wasn’t my favourite tipple but it allowed me to be in (more) control and to ease myself in to the booze. Five, is this now some kind of re-introduction into drinking again? I don’t truly know the answer to that but as of today, the answer is a sketchy ‘no’.

Looking back on my period of sobriety, I’m really proud. It’s nothing to be sniffed at and it was very hard work at times. I also learnt a lot about myself and social situations and pressures. I even remained sober on my birthday and Christmas Day for goodness sake – unthought-of of six months ago.

As of New Year’s Day I’ve started using an app to track my sober days (‘I Am Sober’). As I write this it reads 3 days, 12 hours, 43 minutes. I’ve already thought about drinking some more 4% beers during this period but a horrible head cold and chest infection has ensured that hasn’t been even nearly a reality.

Henceforth, after months of structure and mental strength and fortitude I feel like I’m stepping out into the unknown, not really clear what my goals regarding alcohol are. I know what I DON’T want to become but these couple of instances have opened up the demon can of worms, just ever so slightly.

Bastard thing, alcohol.

Perhaps when I’m back to health and my marathon training kicks in properly I’ll be in more of a positive and headstrong frame of mind but until then the door has been left ajar, for now.

Happy New Year to you all, have a great 2019 🙂

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